


change

by kyrxla



Category: Angst - Fandom, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20292811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrxla/pseuds/kyrxla
Summary: this is really just angsty poetry writings from an aspiring writer.





	change

these days are different.  
i feel so lost, yet so in control. i feel like my skin is no longer there to save me from the world, yet at the same time i am calm of the storm being predicted in my future.  
as it seems, my environment has completely changed. now i dont know anyone, and those i do know are no longer people i want to be around.  
im tired. im tired of being lost. im tired of feeling like im not a first choice to anyone. the way i put it is im 'leftovers'.  
all together it means that people never choose me. When an opportunity arises, they will always change plans to be away from me.  
truly the only time people want me is when boredom strikes and i am the only option at the time.  
im used to it by now, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting.  
every time i come to the realization that i am being forgotten, or even knowingly removed from a scenario, it still hurts.  
my whole life, ive been unwanted, garbage to those who know me.  
never wanting to have anything to do with me, or only being wanted when someone else is gone.  
soon things will change. or at least i hope they will.

hope is a weird concept. staying happy, or at least hanging on to a thought because hope has wrapped itself around that thought.  
waiting for the peace and salvation thats just around the corner, but sometimes it never comes. or more accurately, you can never seem to catch that thought that you had so thoughtfully and tenderly taken care of. and put all this energy into wanting to keep it in your head, but like sand, just seems to slip through your fingertips until nothing is left. for a while now, ive held onto that hope. the small glimpse in my imagination that things may get better with time is always there, but just begins to fade less and less as time goes on. its the light at the end of the tunnel. its less of a floodlight now, but more of a flickering candle that i have to squint to see. although im losing that flicker, and soon it may be out with a gust of wind, for now i will keep it in my mind in an attempt to remember what good can come at the result, as cliche as this will sound, im a freshman now, and high school has really had me go through it. i know all stories start with a new kid, or a transferred freshman, theres good reason for that. being new is not easy. change is not easy. people are not easy. going from knowing literally everyone in my grade, to not knowing a single person in my class does not come easy. this past summer, my hope was high school. a change of environments because of my exhaustion from being leftovers. now ive caught up to the end of the tunnel, finally being able to see the light. right as i catch the beautiful view, the tunnel suddenly grows in front of me. ive caught up to what ive been so desperately waiting for, but now the light is like a small, flickering star, that i want to make grow brighter. for the time being, that hope will remain as a small flickering light, and just that. all is good. while yes, i am sad and hope is slipping through my hands grains of sand, i will not cease hope yet. i will continue to tighten my fingers as to keep the sand from falling. i will continue to hold onto the hope that has wrapped around my thoughts. i will continue to wait for the change that i so desperately need. i will continue to keep my eyes on the flickering candle thats at the end of the tunnel. while this tunnel may be the longest one ive ever had to walk; while this tunnel may have the most side roads that lead to absolute failure; while this tunnel may have the tiniest light, and a winds that wont stop coming through to set out my candle; i will hang on. i wont lose this hope i so desperately need. i will walk, and carry this load on my back until my legs are jell-o. i will make it to the end and hold my head high the whole way. while getting slowed down is inevitable, and i will want to give up every little ways, i will persevere.


End file.
